GOING ON A FACEBOOK FAST.

I WONT BE WRITING AS MOUTHOFTHEDRAGON ANYMORE BECAUSE I AM NOT HER ANY MOR SO IF YOU ENJOY MY SAGA OF CLIMBINB AND FALLING PLEASE REFER TO www.letthetrumpetsound.revelife.com thank you to all my friends who have encouraged me along the way. i definitly need it alot.

THE ROAD TO NEWNESS.  

DR. APT. CHECK

SPILLED BEANS. CHECK.

SOMEONE TO ENCOURAGE ME INSTEAD OF DISCOURAGING ME. CHECK.

THAT LAST ONE HAS BEEN TRULY HARD TO FIND. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW SO. THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES I TRIED TO GET HELP WITH MEDICINE AND GOD AS WELL. YET I QUIT TAKING MY MEDS ALL BY MYSELF MANY TIMES BECAUSE I THOUGHT GOD DIDN'T WANT ME TOO. PLUS I WANTED TO BE DEPENDANT ON HIM ONLY. SO FAR THAT PATH HAS MOSTLY HURT ME AND CONFUSED ME. IT'S NOT ME, NOT YET. INSTEAD OF BEING ABLE TO SLOW DOWN ENOUGH TO FIGURE IT OUT, I WAS TO WORRIED ABOUT GOD WITH HOLDING HIMSELF FROM ME BECAUSE I TOOK MEDICINE AND DIDN'T PRAY ENOUGH. MY HEAD IS SO FULL OF BIBLE KNOWLEDGE BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN'T GET IT DEEPER IN MY HEART. BY FAITH I AM TAKING A STEP TO GET CLOSER, BY FAITH TRUSTING SOMEONE NOT SO HEAVENLY MINDED THAT THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT IT'S LIKE ON EARTH. BY FAITH I AM LETTING GOD HELP ME THROUGH PEOPLE. AMAZINGLY ENOUGH ITS BIBLICAL, BECAUSE WE ARE THE BODY OF CHRIST. BY FAITH GOD WILL HELP ME TO TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME. SO MUCH CONDEMNATION HAS COME INTO MY LIFE ITS HARD TO TRUST PEOPLE. RIGHT NOW ITS LIFE OR DEATH TO TRUST. I TRULY BELIEVE IF I QUIT THIS TIME IT WILL BE THE LAST TIME. NOT EVERY RESTORATION COMES INSTANTLY OR WHAT SOME CALL MIRACULOUS. TO ME THOUGH TO LIVE ONE DAY KNOWING IN MY HEART AND MIND I AM WORTH IT AND GOD REALLY WANTS ME IS MIRACULOUS. TO SOME MANS MEDICINE IS POISON. WHY? I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THEY HAD NO DESIRE TO MAKE IT RIGHT. TO OTHERS GOD GIVES THEM GRACE TO TAKE THE MEDICINE AND STILL GROW IN HIS KINGDOM. WHAT I KNOW IS, I CAN NOT ALLOW OTHERS TO TELL ME ITS WRONG BECAUSE ITS MY LIFE THAT DEPENDS ON IT RIGHT NOW. GOD GAVE GODLY COUNSEL TO ME. SO IT HAS TO HELP. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THE GUY THAT MISSED THE BOAT. SOMETIMES TO ENDURE HOWEVER WE CAN AND STILL LOVE GOD HAS TO BE OUR TESTIMONY.  NOT EVERYONE CAN BE MEASURED BY THE SAME MEASURE. SOME DAY I WILL FIND THE WAY TO COMPLETE FREEDOM. FOR NOW THOUGH I AM CONTENT TO FOLLOW GOD WHERE HE LEADS ME. THIS TIME I CAN'T GET SCARED AND RUN. IF I DO, I WOULD BE NO MORE. HOPE THAT GOD WANTS ME AND WILL BE WITH ME IS ALL I GOT LEFT. NOT TO SURE HOW UGLY THIS PROCESS WILL BE AND I HOPE MY EMOTIONS DON'T OFFEND ANYONE. THE THOUGHT OF NO MORE INNER TURMOIL IS SOMETHING I CAN'T EVEN SEE RIGHT NOW. TO BE ABLE TO WALK UPRIGHT AND STRAIGHT PATHS WOULD BE EVERYTHING. WHEN I WAS A KID I WANTED TO BE LIKE ELIJAH OR DEBORAH. NOW I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED BY GOD AND MAYBE HAVE A CLOSE FRIEND OR TWO. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE PEOPLE DOESN'T MEAN YOU AREN'T ALONE.  I DON'T FEEL AS ALONE AS I HAVE IN A LONG LONG TIME. BUT I DO FEAR. ITS LIKE BEING AT THE EDGE OF THE WATER AND NOT SURE IF YOU SHOULD GO IN. YOU KNOW THE WATER IS GOOD BUT IT CAN HURT OR KILL YOU TOO. YOU SEE I HAVE HAD MANY VOLUNTEERS AND FRIENDS TO HELP ME THROUGH, BUT THE MINUTE MY ANGER RAGED OR MY STATE OF SHOCK FROM A SUDDEN MEMORY THEY COULDN'T HELP. FOLLOWING THROUGH HAS BEEN SO HARD. GOD KNOWS I WANT TO COME OUT OF THIS WITHOUT MY HEART BECOMING CALLOUS. SO MANY PEOPLE GET FREE HAVE NO TOLERANCE FOR PEOPLE LIKE THEMSELVES. UNFORTUNATELY I CAN BE CALLOUS TOWARD ALCOHOLICS. MY DAD IS ONE AND WAS ONE AND DESTROYED MANY LIVES OR ATLEAST CAUSED GRIEF TO ME AND MANY OTHERS. MAY GOD FORGIVE ME. WHAT DO I DO NOW. I WAIT. YUCK. I HATE WAITING BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WAITING FOR GOD TO SAVE ME. I DON'T GIVE A RIP ABOUT ANY OPINIONS OF WHETHER GOD EXSISTS OR NOT. I HAVE HAD TO MANY EXPERIENCES TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE. BESIDES IF HE DIDN'T WHAT WOULD I HAVE TO LIVE FOR? IF MY HOPE IN CHRIST IS NOTHING THEN LET MY HEART FAIL ME AND NOT ONE MORE BREATH PASS MY LIPS. MY WHOLE LIFE I WILL LOVE AND CLING TO HIM. IF THE ONLY TESTIMONY I HAVE ON THE DAY I DIE IS STILL I HELD TIGHT, AND GET TO FINALLY BE IN THE ARMS OF ONE WHO TRULY LOVES ME AND HAS NEVER LEFT ME, IT WOULD BE A GOOD TESTIMONY.

 So lesson for to day is God will make away when it seems there is no way. Even though this is true there is a choice to go the way he makes. Its so hard when in a millisecond God says come here or don't run this is good for you, but your heart wants to bolt. So many times fear of rejection has kept me from stepping back in a building or letting God's spirit touch me for more than a moment. With Jesus as my savior I know I am saved but when the presence gets thick it makes my flesh want to peal up and leave. Amazingly enough this place I have frequented has His presence. The first time I took a friend I was astonished that I sensed in my spirit someone was going to give a word. Then it came forth a word for a baby came flowing out of a young prophetess of God. Before I used to wait to see if anything would happen this time I knew it would. For so long I have been on a roller coaster ride with God, I have been scared of Him. He is a most Holy God, I cant deny He's there. All the things I have fallen in and out of through the years have strained my relationship. My walk with God has been a mountain climb and I have fallen off so many ledges. Now the Bible says we are saved by grace and that is true. How can any human being say they have not fallen since finding Jesus? They can't. Sin is Sin. That's why we Have Jesus. No man but Jesus is with out sin,  we are continuously washed clean. If David was a man after God's own heart, then I am ready to accept being His daughter. Although my life has been dark and ugly and I need to speak of some of those things, God still has me. He is with me. Making me more sensitive to Him. Just hopin the cycle of my falling downs will be no more. Then maybe I can help people like me, others who fear the things I have been through. 

ABBA I AM CRYING OUT. MY HEART IN ME DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER BEAT. IT JUST WANTS TO BREAK. I KNOW IN MY HEAD WHEN YOU HELP US SEE WHAT WE HAVE IN US CAN HURT. YET IN MY JOURNEY AT THIS VERY MOMENT I AM SO TIRED, SO VERY TIRED. MY JOURNEY HASN'T BEEN AS HARD AS SOME BUT IT HAS BEEN HARDER THEN OTHERS. FOR THEM I AM SORRY. RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU. THINGS GET BETTER, THINGS GET WORSE, I STILL LOVE YOU. BUT SOMETIMES I WISH YOU WOULD JUST TAKE ME HOME. WHAT CAN I DO. NOTHING. I CAN DO NOTHING. BEING TOUGH IS JUST SOMETHING STUPID CAUSE ITS JUST STAYING INSIDE AND FESTERING. MY HEART LONGS FOR WHOLENESS. TO NOT FEEL NEEDY. MY HEART IS YOURS. DON'T YOU REMEMBER ALL THOSE YEARS I CRIED TO YOU? EVEN THEN I WANTED TO JUST BE WITH YOU. YOU LEFT ME HERE. I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH ALL THIS. EVEN THOUGH I WAS YOUNG AND IT SHOULD BE DONE WITH I AM STILL ANGRY YOU LEFT ME HERE. SOME SAY IF MY BROTHER HADN'T DIED MY DAD MAY HAVE LED HIM AWAY. MAYBE SO MAYBE NOT. WHAT I AM ANGRY IS YOU KNEW NONE OF MY FAMILY WANTED ME AND STILL YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME TOO. MY DAD HATED (NOT AN UNDERSTAMENT) ME, YOU KNEW HE WOULD. HE ONLY WANTED HIS SON. WHEN HE HAD US BOTH HE ALWAYS SENT ME TO GRANDMAS. WHY? WHY IS THIS MY LOT. I KNOW THE SIN I HAVE DONE BUT DID YOU SEE ME? MY HEART? WHEN I LET PEOPLE HURT ME. I WANTED TO DIE. WHY? WHERE WAS I? IN A BLACK HOLE. WHAT WAS I? BROKEN. I LOVE YOU AND EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO RIGHT I AM MAD AT YOU. YOU SAID WE WOULDNT HAVE MORE THAN WE COULD HANDLE. I CANT HANDLE. I CANT HANDLE FAMILY THAT REJECTED ME WANTING ME NOW. I CANT HANDLE CRAWLING AND SEARCHING FOR THAT ONE THING THAT IS GOING TO MAKE ME ALL BETTER. I CANT HANDLE FEELING LIKE I NEED A PERSON TO CARE AND TO LOVE ME. I CANT HANDLE THE CLEANSING BUT I DONT WANT TO LET GO. I LOVE YOU BUT I HURT TOO. YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO HOLD ONTO. JUST YOU , BUT MY SCRAPES AND SCARS HAVE BUILT UP AND I DONT KNOW WHY I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS. WE WERE JUST HOMELESS. LOST ALL OUR BELONGINGS, LOTS OF SICKNESSES, I STILL LOVE YOU. PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THE PRESSURE COOKER. YOU ARE STILL MY EVERYTHING. ABBA MY EVERYTHING IS AN ICKY MESSY PILE OF HARD BROKEN MASHED FLESH. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING. BUT YOU CAN HAVE IT. JESUS SAVE ME FROM THE DESPAIR I FEEL IN MY HEART. NO MORE. HELP ME I CRY MERCY! BE MY STRENGTH.

YOUR BROKEN DAUGHTER JESSICA MARIE

^{First Thessalonians 1:9,10}

⁹For they themselves shew of us what manner of entering in we had unto you, and how ye turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God;

 ¹⁰And to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, even Jesus, which delivered us from the wrath to come.